


Tender Me a Fool

by SPNFinalSeason (TheMightiestPen)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Female Sam Winchester, Gen, Preseries, aka: how would it be different if Sam was born a girl;, and tried to get people to call her Sam instead of Sammy, girl!Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:00:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28015089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMightiestPen/pseuds/SPNFinalSeason
Summary: The fight for a name
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, John Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 36





	Tender Me a Fool

“It’s Sam,” She says.

Her dad looks at her, caught off guard. “What?”

“Sam,” she repeats, heart pounding. “I wanna be called Sam.”

Dad looks down on her, towering, and Sam wonders if she’s ever going to be able to look him at eye level. “Sam,” He sounds out, testing, and she sees his eyes dart over to his wallet and she knows he’s seeing the picture of the beautiful blonde woman that resides within. “Why?”

Sam shrugs. “Because it’s me,” She responds.

* * *

“It’s Sam,” She says.

Dean cuts off mid-conversation. He twists around in the driver’s seat, trying to catch her gaze. “Hmm?”

“I wanna be called Sam,” she says, eyes cast down at his newly-acquired driver’s lisence in the cup holder. “Sammy makes me sound like a kid.”

Dean grins. “You _are_ a kid.”

Sam sighs, loud and gusty. “You weren’t a kid when you were twelve.”

“Yeah, well,” Dean says, facing forward again and turning the key. “I’m me. That’s different.”

“No it isn’t,” She says, ready to get louder. “How is it different?”

Dean takes his hand off the ignition and looks at her again. A beat goes by, and he shrugs. “Okay, Sam,” he says.

* * *

“It’s Sam,” She says.

The teacher looks up from her attendance sheet. Her classmates continue to stare (they always stare) at her frizzy hair and too-large jacket and boots that go higher than they should but that’s not what’s bothering her this time.

“Sorry, Sam,” She says, and that’s the end of that.

* * *

“It’s Sam,” She says.

Dad looks up from the table in Bobby’s library. The map he is holding down curls over his hand from one side. “What?”

“Sam,” She repeats. Bobby and Dean are watching her now too, and she resists the urge to sink down into her jacket. “And I don’t want to stay in the car. I want to help.”

“You’re fourteen,” Dad says shortly. He doesn’t comment on her name. “You know it’s not time yet.”

“I can shoot,” Sam says. “I can run. I can do it, I promise.”

Dad gives her a longer glance. He almost makes eye contact. “Maybe when you commit to the training,” He says. “I’ll consider it. Prove to me that you really want this, then I’ll think about next time. For now, we need you in the car next to the phone and the books, in case we need backup. That’s your role for right now.”

Sam opens her mouth, ready to make her case, but Dean inclines his head, shakes it slightly, and it’s enough to make the fight seep right out of her. Bobby’s eyes dart between them and his brows furrow, but he says nothing.

Dad senses it (he always does) and turns back to the map, fingers running down the crumpled lines. Bobby and Dean edge closer and Sam stays back, looking at the bowed heads and feeling the static at the back of her mind.

* * *

“It’s _Sam_ ,” She says.

The pause is loaded. Dad’s heaving breaths stutter, like he’s caught off guard. “What?” He says, voice softly dangerous.

“It’s Sam,” she repeats, and not even Dean’s shaking head stops her this time. “Not Sammy. Not Samantha. Sam. It’s Sam.”

Dad huffs out a breath. “You just have to throw everything away?” He says, finally. “Not only what I taught you, not only how your brother protected you. You also have to throw away the name she gave you?”

Sam’s hands tighten on the straps of her bag. She sees Dean lean over, put his head in his hands. She’s never seen him give up before. “It’s my name,” She says. “Nobody else’s.”

“In a family,” Dad shouts. “There is no _mine_. There’s _us_. There’s nobody else but _us_. You think the world will let you get away with whatever you want? You think they’ll understand you? You have no idea!”

“ _You_ don’t!” Sam shouts back, feeling the burn as the words come out. “You _never_ understood me! I’m just a little girl to you. I’m _her_ little girl to you! I’m so much more than that.”

Dad breathes hard. “You walk out that door,” He says, and Dean’s head snaps back up. “Don’t you ever come back.”

Sam looks at Dad’s face (he’s serious) and then Dean’s (he’s terrified) and then looks out the door (it’s freedom) and she knows that there was never a question.

She wants to look at them (at Dean) and say _I’m sorry_ and _I didn’t want it like this_ but it’s too late, it’s the only time she’s going to be able to do it.

“Okay!” Sam yells, tears in her eyes, reaching out, the cool doorknob feeling warm in her hand. “Goodbye, Dad!”

As she slams the door shut, she swears she hears, muffled by the wood and by the beating of her own heart, “Sam?”


End file.
